Casey and Derek's Fanfiction Tutorial
by Badwolfgoddess
Summary: The Cast of Life With Derek brings you...a fanfiction tutorial! Co-authored by Lady Eirenna and Lady Azura.


Casey: Hi everyone

Casey: Hi everyone! I'm Casey McDonald and this is my step-brother, Derek Venturi. Notice I spelled my last name as 'McDonald'. Just like the restaurant.

Derek: I've said it before and I'll say it again: 'M-A-C' just sounds right.

Casey: Der-_ek_! -Shoves him- Anyway! We're here to help you out. We both read all the different fanfiction stories here on FFN and we're really flattered over how much you write about us both. However, it's come to our attention that some of the stories on here...well they...

Derek: Suck.

Casey: That's not nice!

Derek: Whatever. At least I'm not afraid to be honest with them.

Casey: Argh! Der-_ek_! I'm trying to be honest!

Derek: BUT the TRUTH is, some of you well…you're a bit…oh, how do I put this?

Casey: The truth is that some of you guys could stand improvement. Not that we're discouraging you from writing fanfiction! We think it's great that you're putting your artistic effort out there for people to see!

Derek: I don't think they quite understand, Case. Why don't you give them some examples?

Casey: Well, we've written a few rules. Guidelines, if you will. These are just mostly to help you guys improve, because that's what it means to be a true writer, to strive always for a higher level of perfection and grace in your work.

Derek: And what, pray tell, may those "guidelines" be?

Casey: Well, the first rule of writing ANYTHING is to always carefully check your spelling and grammar. And if you feel like you're incapable of doing that yourself, have a friend check it. Or get a beta-reader. That's what they're there for.

Derek: Exactly. No one likes reading fanfics that look like they've been written by 6-year-olds.

Casey: Pretty much, yes. Secondly, it's important to remember that Derek and I aren't the only people in the Life With Derek universe. That means that we're not the only people to write about, as much as we enjoy reading about ourselves. -Smiles-

Derek: And you say I'M cocky.

Casey: You can't tell me you don't like reading Derek stories?

Derek: When they're done WELL and true to my character! I don't like reading about me being all nice and caring to YOU. The only person I treat that way is Marti.

Casey: While he makes a frank point, it's also true. Derek, I think it's time we talked about Characterization!

Derek: Yes. See, that's one of the main things that turns me off from the fanfics. When we're all - and when I say 'we', I don't just mean Casey and me - COMPLETELY out of character.

Casey: What does it mean when we say out of character? Well mainly, it's making any character behave contrary to the way that we behave in real life (Or on this TV show you all watch about us.) without good reason to make us act differently. The keyword there is 'without good reason'. Sometimes situations we're placed in change us, and your writing should reflect that.

Derek: But others…it's like we just wake up one morning and decide to be out of character. It's highly unlikely.

Casey: I'm going to characterize Derek and he's going to characterize me. Derek is lazy, self-centered, a master prankster and lives for the moment. He is very image-conscious and only nice if it benefits himself. And most importantly, he enjoys dating. Period. It would take a lot, more than just the 'right girl', to make that change.

Derek: Casey wouldn't know the meaning of 'fun' if it walked up to her and slapped her across the face, she would never dress like a slut, she's an overbearing perfectionist, a neat freak, has her sister do her dirty work ALL the time so that she doesn't get HER hands dirty... am I missing something?

Casey: DER-_EK_!

Derek: CAS-_EY_!

Casey: And we HATE each other. Never forget that.

Derek: The one thing we actually agree on.

Casey: Derek doesn't do 'feelings' either. So, for example, an emotional and crying Derek would be 'out of character' for him. Unless he had very good reason to behave that way. Good reasons would be: losing a family member. Bad reasons would be: almost anything else.

Derek: And Casey… she usually blames all her problems on me. She wouldn't keep everything bottled up inside and cut herself. She'd just find a way to blame yours truly.

Casey: Derek, all my problems ARE your fault.

Derek: -rolls eyes-

Casey: Moving on... George and my mom are somewhat clueless, yes, but they're generally there for their children if they need us. They love us unconditionally, no matter what we do. Even if we mess up hundreds of times. -Glances at Derek- They aren't completely clueless either, so making them dumb-as-dirt would be 'out of character'. So would turning them into evil tyrants.

Derek: And if WE, for whatever reason, 'hooked up' and they found out, I doubt they'd disown us.

Casey: It would take more than that kind of stupidity for them to be so angry as to go that far.

Derek: And while we're on the topic of our parents... my mom is NOT an evil bitch, so I'd REALLY appreciate it if people stopped writing her like that. I mean, I know she's not really there, but like... she still loves us and never mistreated us or anything.

Casey: Remember, she's just been busy pursuing her education. That doesn't make her evil or a 'bitch', pardon my language. She left her children in the care of the best person who could take care of them.

Derek: Well, I wouldn't say the BEST person, but yeah... Dad has his moments, I guess. Speaking of dads... Casey's dad is pretty cool.

Casey: And even though he's sometimes distant, it's because he's busy being an important lawyer, so that's understandable. Some people are more driven than others. That's the reason Nora and George are perfect for each other, they're more family oriented than Derek's mom or my dad. That doesn't make them bad, just different. -Pause- Oh, and for the record, he has never, and would never, beat me or mom or Lizzie, and he would NEVER touch us inappropriately. That's beyond the scope of my father.

Derek: Exactly.

Casey: And of course, Dad loves me. And Abby loves Derek. But do you really think they'd just give us oodles of money to run off together?

Derek: Though, I wouldn't MIND the money at all, but still! They wouldn't do it. And for the record, my mom is NOT trying to get back with my dad. They divorced for a reason, you know.

Casey: So, in conclusion... Dad and George are pretty decent guys and Abby and Mom are loving and supportive of their kids.

Derek: Yeah.

Casey: Also on the subject of characterization... have you ever noticed that Sam and Emily are our best friends for a reason? Sam may be a goofball but he's still loveable. Emily might love gossip... and Derek... but she isn't a 'bitch'. Pardon my language.

Derek: Yeah, and Sam would NEVER, under any circumstance, hurt Casey or anyone else. He's too much of a wuss to do that.

Casey: And Emily would never try to hurt me either, or 'steal Derek'.

Derek: I'm sorry to admit that I've… lost a fangirl. To SHELDON SCHLEPPER. -Shudder-

Casey: -Rolls eyes- And I know none of you like Max or Sally, but Sally's such a sweetheart! And Max isn't a jerk. Not really.

Derek: …I beg to differ.

Casey: Max wasn't the problem. He behaved like a typical guy. In fact, he behaves much the same as Derek, if you've noticed. The problem was me trying to change Max into someone else and then when that didn't work, I tried to change myself into someone compatible with him.

Derek: Okay, Max is NOTHING like me. I think we know who the cooler man is.

Casey: -Rolls eyes-

Derek: You're just mad 'cause you know it's true.

Casey: Max was way cooler than you'll ever be.

Derek: Tell that to my fan club.

Casey: Bunch of bimbos if you ask me…

Derek: Some of those "bimbos" are your friends. I don't think they'd like to hear the names you're calling them behind their backs, do you?

Casey: Der-_ek_!

Derek: Cas-_ey_! Do you see how annoying that is? Man, your voice is like nails on a chalkboard.

Casey: UGH! You're a total child! I would never be able to date someone so immature! Take a lesson from that. Derek has some major GROWING UP to do before I would ever even CONSIDER dating him.

Derek: And YOU are an uptight bitch! I would never be able to date someone who acts like such a... parent! I don't care how hot you are!

Casey: Yeah, well... wait. I'm hot?

Derek: Uh… no!

Casey: But you just said... ugh, never mind.

Derek: What's the next topic?

Casey: I'm not the only teacher here! You take the lead for ONCE. -Crosses arms-

Derek: Fine! I will! God, you're such a princess… umm let's see here... Edwin and Lizzie?

Casey: I haven't seen them lately. Where are they? Oh, they're probably making out in the games closet, according to our fanfiction writers.

Derek: To be honest, it wouldn't surprise me I mean, they DO spend a lot of time in there... how do we know that they're NOT doing anything other than conspiring against us for being "too overbearing"?

Casey: Well, first of all, they're only thirteen right now. Secondly, I have a feeling that they'd be even less likely than us to get involved in a relationship. Either that or they'd be more likely. But one thing is for certain... Edwin is not evil.

Derek: Not yet. You fail to remember that he is, in fact, MY brother, and according to you, I'M the spawn of Satan. Remember? Give him a few more years and he'll be wreaking havoc before you know it.

Casey: God, I hope not. -Shudders-

Derek: ... I can't think of anything for Lizzie.

Casey: Lizzie is sweet but she can be very in-your-face sometimes. A lot of writers seem to forget that.

Derek: Yeah. I'll give her credit for that. I think I'd be more afraid of HER than Edwin.

Casey: She's got a very forceful personality. She's not afraid to speak her mind. Like me. -Smiles-

Derek: Yes, but at least she doesn't try to FORCE her morals and ideas on everyone…

Casey: I do not! I just happen to be right most of the time.

Derek: No, you just THINK you are.  
Casey: -Rolls eyes- Do you think we've covered all the characterization issues then?

Derek: I think so... what've we done so far?

Casey: We've covered all the major characters... like you, me, our parents, our siblings, Sam, Emily, Max and Sally.

Derek: Yeah. What next?

Casey: I think it's time to move onto the next topic, and our biggest for today. Clichés. The stuff that everyone writes about when they write Life With Derek stories.

Derek: Let's start with the biggest cliché of all: The Dasey pregnancy.

Casey: Okay, first of all, I'm really smart. We've covered that. Everyone knows I am. SO WHY DO I KEEP GETTING PREGNANT WHEN I'M STILL A TEENAGER?

Derek: Because of my super awesome Venturi sperm, obviously. But seriously… Casey's too uptight to open her legs for any guy - ESPECIALLY me.

Casey: I am so not uptight! Most of the time. This time, Derek's right. I'm the kind of girl who would wait until I was older and more responsible about that kind of thing before I started sleeping with someone. Even if I was drunk.

Derek: Yeah. Casey's too much of a goody-goody to drink, anyhow. I doubt she's ever been drunk in her life.

Casey: That's true. Even though I resent the 'goody-goody' remark. But seriously... nervous, excited, anxious, scared or just mad, I don't drink. And alcohol tastes gross anyway. Have any of you ever tried hard liquor? It's better than beer at least. I wouldn't drink beer because it just tastes wrong.

Derek: YOU'VE had alcohol?

Casey: Just experimented, really. Mom let me taste test a few things here and there before.

Derek: …well, then…

Casey: So, I don't drink. And further, I'm not stupid enough to drink at a party. Ever. That's just dangerous right there. Even DEREK'S not that stupid.

Derek: I wouldn't drink and drive, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't drink at a party.

Casey: Derek does what Derek wants. Isn't that right? -Rolls eyes- And Derek does not want, nor would he EVER in any universe, desire to be a father at the age of 16. No typical male in their right mind would. I will say… if it happened, he'd make the best of things. Or he'd take off and never look back.

Derek: NOW you're learning.

Casey: And Derek Venturi is very typical guy sometimes. I'm not saying Derek can't be stupid enough to sleep with me. Not that I'd be all that smart doing the dirty with him... but at the end of the day, one or both of us would be smart enough to protect ourselves. And if we weren't, the chances of us having a happy little family at sixteen, seventeen, even eighteen are slim to none.

Derek: And even that's pushin' it.

Casey: Neither Derek or I, as smart as I am, are equipped at this age, mentally or financially, in dealing with a baby. And babies don't stay babies. They turn into toddlers, and just about the age that our potential baby turns into a toddler would be the age that I'd be going to college. And it's nearly impossible to raise a child AND go to school, even with two parents. We're not discouraging you from writing us into these situations. We're asking you to think logically about how we'd realistically handle things.

Derek: Exactly.

Casey: Let's look at another clichéd storyline. Derek and I meet, typically at a party, and instantly fall in love. Well, let's think about this. First off, before our parents got married and we started living together, Derek and I were used to being the alphas of our households. That means that both he and I had personalities even MORE extreme than we do currently. Which means the chances of us actually liking each other way back then are quite low.

Derek: I don't know… I tend to like 'em feisty. Why do you think I went after Sally?

Casey: Because she's blonde and wouldn't put up with your crap.

Derek: Precisely! I love it when they play hard-to-get.

Casey: Not every girl is in love with you. They may not actually be interested you know, when they say they aren't.  
Derek: -Laughs- Impossible.

Casey: I don't.

Derek: YOU don't count.

Casey: Why not?

Derek: Because you're not a girl… you're my step-sister.

Casey: Regardless, this conversation is going nowhere fast. Back on topic... Derek, what's another clichéd storyline that bugs you?

Derek: When I'm overly nice and caring to YOU.

Casey: Why does that bother you?

Derek: Because! I HAVE NO HEART! I could care less about you! The ONLY person I care about is Marti. I thought we already established that earlier on.

Casey: I rest my case, people. Derek has the emotional maturity of a 10-year-old right now. If he and I were to decide to date, it would take quite a lot before I would consent to it.

Derek: Please. I'd be on my deathbed before you'd cave in.

Casey: -Smirk- Not according to a lot of fic writers out there.

Derek: Yeah…

Casey: Er...that didn't sound right...

Derek: Though, I AM a spontaneous person…so…maybe I could convince you with a little tonsil hockey?

Casey: What, right now?

Derek: You... you'd actually do it?

Casey: Er...  
Derek: Pucker-up, SIS. -Leans in-

Casey: EW, GET OFF ME!

Derek: -Draws back, smirking- I knew you wouldn't do it. -Turns to readers- See what I mean?

Casey: Sorry. I had a moment of weirdness. But I'm fine now! Basically, the lesson there is true. I tend to think really hard about things and I like to analyze them out. So I find it hard to make decisions.

Derek: This is true. And she doesn't just analyze them... she likes to re-analyze and overanalyze until it drives her crazy. It's annoying, really.

Casey: I just like to be absolutely certain, you know? Because a lot of what Derek does doesn't just hurt himself; it hurts others. So I like to be certain so I don't do what he does.

Derek: WHO have I ever hurt?

Casey: How about Kendra? You went behind her back and dated someone else. And your family. You've flaked out on us when we needed you more times than I can count. And you've hurt your own siblings by not realizing that stuff you do is emotionally stunting them.

Derek: Hey, KENDRA wasn't exactly faithful either! And name ONE incident where I've hurt someone in this family.

Casey: This isn't a laundry list of things you've done, Derek. It's more an analysis of your character.

Derek: You can't think of any, CAN you? See! I'm innocent!

Casey: When were you EVER innocent?

Derek: Multiple times. Like now, for instance.

Casey: What about when you poured MELTED ICE CREAM on my head? Or got me in trouble for sneaking out even though _I_ had nothing to do with it? Or what about the times Edwin has come to you for girl help and you've given him stupid advice?

Derek: You were bossing me around. You had it coming. And as for getting you in trouble - NEITHER of us would've if you'd just kept your mouth shut! But nooooooooo! You had to go and tell dad and Nora! And my girl advice isn't stupid! It's helped me snag many women, and still does.

Casey: Shallow girls. -Hmph-

Derek: Emily was one of those girls. You do realize that, right? So were Sandra and Sally. Are you saying they're shallow? Some friend you are.

Casey: You never dated Emily. You never even tried for her. And yeah, if they fall for your stupid lines, that's kind of shallow.

Derek: I went out on a date with her, and we kissed. It totally counts. And, oh please. If ANYONE is shallow, it's you.

Casey: I am SO not shallow. Name ONE time when I've behaved shallowly.

Derek: The time you made Lizzie sleep on the floor in her OWN ROOM because YOU wanted the bed?

Casey: We had company over! And sleeping on the floor messes up my back.

Derek: And it WOULDN'T mess up Lizzie's?

Casey: She's a lot younger so it's different. Kids sleep on the floor all the time.

Derek: No, YOU just need to always have you're way because you're a princess.

Casey: Well, you're a jerk! You know, it wouldn't _kill_ you to be supportive or nice to other people once in a while.

Derek: I have so been…n- …ni- NICE.

Casey: And _I_ have been selfless before.

Derek: When?

Casey: I gave up my entire life so my mom could be happy with your dad. I left behind my friends, my old house, and my entire way of life. I was even willing to give up a decent bedroom so they could be happy.

Derek: Must you be so dramatic?

Casey: Yes. -Sticks out tongue-

Derek: Real mature, Spacey.

Casey: Like you're sooo mature either, Derek?

Derek: Never said I was.

Casey: We're both total teenagers, sometimes. -Sighs- Anyway! Another cliché in Life With Derek stories that we read is... -Trails off-

Derek: -Dozes off-

Casey: -Slaps Derek awake- WAKE UP !

Derek: -Jerks awake- Wha-? Why'd you HIT me?

Casey: We need to wrap this up. It's almost time to go.

Derek: FINALLY. This whole thing was lame, anyways.

Casey: It was not! It was educational and fun! And I found out that you think I'm hot. -Smirks-

Derek: I do not. That was just... I think someone spiked my water.

Casey: Suuuure, Derek.

Derek: Oh, and you don't think I'M hot? I'm the sexiest thing since sex!

Casey: Even if I DID think you were... attractive... -cough-... I still don't think it's appropriate to discuss that here.

Derek: -Smirks- So you'd rather take it elsewhere? Somewhere more…dare I say…PRIVATE?

Casey: Well... let's finish this thing here and discuss that after...

Derek: Okay then. -Turns to readers- SEE YA! -Proceeds to leave-  
Casey: DER-_EK_! Wait up…-Turns back to readers- Okay, before I leave…another cliché is when Derek or I become 'emo' as you call it, and cut ourselves. Not in character and neither of us would do that. And remember kids, have fun with your stuff! There's a world of possibility out there so it's not always necessary to stick to convention! -Zooms out the door, following Derek-

oOo

Lizzie: Edwin, did you get that last bit?

Edwin: -Jotting notes down- Yeah.

Lizzie: They forgot to mention songfics.

Edwin: You mean the stories where the author writes a song into the story that people have usually never heard of and don't bother to read?

Lizzie: That would be the type, yes.

Edwin: I especially get annoyed at the ones that make the song longer than the story.

Lizzie: Same here. So…what do you think about that last thing there, with Casey and Derek?

Edwin: I think our suspicions were right. They totally want each other.

Lizzie: It was bound to happen.

Edwin: Yeah. -Pause- But what does that mean for US?

Lizzie: I think it's time to go. -Puts arm around Edwin's shoulder- We can compare notes in the Games Closet. -Grin-

Edwin: -Wraps arm around Lizzie- What are you insinuating, Liz? Was that a sexual undertone?

Lizzie: We're thirteen. Keep it in your pants, Edweirdo. All I'm saying is that we're never interrupted when we're in there. Ever.

Edwin: Seriously, are you trying to molest me using some kind of reverse psychology?

Lizzie: You're such a pervert. ALL teenage boys are. And reverse psychology would just go right over your head. -Smacks- Now kiss me and be done with it.

Edwin: Your wish is my command. -Pulls down curtain-

**BLANK SCREEN/END TRANSMISSION **

X

**A/N: This be Lady Eirenna, yo! **

**A/N 2: And this is Lady Azura! **

**A/N: We had fun writing this. The idea came about when both of us got to talking about how annoyed we got at the quality of some of the fanfiction on here. **

**A/N 2: We decided to voice our concerns and bring it to the attention of the LWD community…through the characters themselves! **

**A/N: This was all in good fun but the sentiment is the same. **

**A/N 2: Exactly, and we really hope you enjoyed it. And, if anyone was wondering... I was Derek and Edwin. Why do I always get stuck roleplaying boys? Oh well. I'm not complaining.**

**A/N: I dunno, I thought you were good. I was Casey and Lizzie! Girls ftw! Anyway…Review and tell us what you think! ****  
****A/N 2: We'd really appreciate your feedback.**


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